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   Home  > Tips

A stronger marriage after an affair?!

Here's the "headline" of an article from the New York Associated Press:
"Gifford Affair Boosted Marriage."

The article goes on to say:
"Frank Gifford says his cheating on Kathie Lee made their marriage stronger."

Even though this statement is taken out of context and may not be an accurate representation of the full statement—taken at face value, it TOTALLY misrepresents the actual situation.

This statement makes it sound as if an affair might possibly be an effective way to build a better marriage—which is absolute nonsense. An affair is a crisis, pure and simple. It's what a couple does in response to the crisis that determines the future condition (or even future existence) of the marriage.

While it's certainly POSSIBLE for a marriage to become better following an affair (as happened in my own marriage and in the marriages of many couples I've dealt with through the years), any potential improvement is NOT due to the Affairs! It's due to the enormous amount of work we did together to recover and rebuild following the affairs.

While our marriage is better than it was before the affairs (and probably better than it would have been had the affairs never taken place), I would NEVER have "chosen" to go through the intense pain and devastation of this experience in order to have the CHANCE of using the trauma to work to rebuild and strengthen the marriage.

This whole line of thinking (that an affair can make a marriage stronger) is just one more of the many convoluted rationalizations that people come up with to explain or justify affairs.

Tip by Peggy Vaughan

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