Conflict can’t be avoided and actually it’s healthy to have things out. You clear the air and can move on.
First of all remember to target the issue and not the person, but be sure that you know what the issue is. It isn’t always what started the fight. Also it’s very easy in the midst of an argument to bring up different issues and the whole episode escalates and can get out of hand.
Can you think of a time recently when you started arguing about one thing and then lots of unrelated issues crept in. What were the consequences of that? How could you prevent this happening. Why not agree that if something is 24 hors old, then it’s gone. If you have things out whenever necessary, you won’t have lots of things coming up to cloud the issue in a disagreement. Keep a short account of things.
Here are some good tips for handling disagreements:
Knowing the best time to bring an issue up can be important. Trying to sort things out when you are both tired and need to get to bed may not be helpful. Try and tackle things when you’re not too tired. Sharing feelings can help too, as long as we own those feelings. Try “I feel……, when that happens.” Instead of “You make me feel……”
Which of the steps above would make your arguments work better for your relationship?
Tip by Liz Percival