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   Home  > Tips

Some Thoughts on Commitment

What does the word commitment mean to you in your marriage? Is it something you've thought about much? Was it an issue when you got married?

I can remember thinking on my wedding day, "This is the most important thing I've ever done. I'm going to give it my best. Right now I really want it to be for life." Of course, I was probably a bit starry eyed and na´ve, but our courtship hadn't been straightforward, so I knew I had to work at things.

One of the characteristics of marriage is exclusivity, a long word meaning that your relationship with your spouse is in a different class from other relationships. Surely this means that your partner should come first. He/she is the one you should share your inmost secrets with, they're the one you should keep your heart and body for. They should be your best friend, and lover.

Some folks see it differently. They confide in a special friend of the same sex. They enjoy space from one another, don't like being "crowded" or too intense. I just wonder if that's really what their partner needs from them or what will make their relationship survive the ups and downs.

I think commitment is about being the best possible husband or wife for your partner. Since every relationship is unique, what that means practically will vary from couple to couple. We show our commitment to each other by being aware of each others needs, joys, hurts and hopes. We also show it by checking out our attitudes and behaviour to make sure they're helpful to our relationship. That doesn't necessarily mean being a "Yes Person". Sometimes we need to challenge each other lovingly.

Right now do you know what is the greatest challenge facing your partner? Do you know what their dearest hope is for the future? Do you know what is the best thing in their life right now? Do you want to know?

Is your marriage partner the most important person in your life right now? Is he/she more important than your career, the children, your hobbies, your friends, your self?

Two of the biggest obstacles to commitment are selfishness and fear. Remember commitment is more than just sticking together, it's really about making the relationship work. Sometimes it can feel as if all you can manage is to hold on through the rough patches, but if both your hearts are in it, there'll be better times around the corner.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Jesus)

Tip by Kate

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