You've Got to Have the Right Parts, "Communication in Marriage". Part 6
By Norman & Ann Bales Of All About Families
Valuing
Esau wrote, "Empathy is powerful. It can be used as a tool or a
weapon. It can either build trust or instill fear, depending on how it is
used. We can use our reading of another either to gain advantage over
that person or to discover how I might best help him or build a friendship
with him."
When I truly consider my spouse's feelings as important as my
own, I will use empathy to support the relationship rather than
wound it. It was this kind of valuing that the Apostle Paul was
recommending when he wrote, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition
or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than
yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own
interests, but also to the interests of others" (Philippians 2:3-4).
When empathy is communicated in positive ways and care is
demonstrated toward spouse relationship, it fosters trust. Both
partners need this. No matter how much in love we are when we
marry, we enter the relationship with a sense of mistrust and a
vulnerability that frightens us when we learn that the other partner might know what is going on inside of me.
If we respect our mates and take the time to communicate and
handle feelings with care then we can feel safe. This grants a
freedom to explore our inner feelings and trust that we won't
be judged by intuition and that it is safe to just be "me."
Empathy is a skill that grows as it is used and as each partner
takes the risk both of checking out assumptions and of letting the
other in on what actually is going on inside. When a husband and
wife use it in a way that treasures and cares for each other's
personhood, it strengthens the bond between them as it clears up
areas of misunderstanding and mistrust.