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Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First)

By Jamie Turndorf Ph.D.


Peace reigns, love grows, marriages are saved. This is not a fairy-tale ending. Practicing couples therapist Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D., has seen love and intimate connection replace even the highest levels of tension and anger when battling couples follow her twelve-step conflict resolution program. Based on fifteen years of clinical and laboratory research at her Center for Emotional Communication in upstate New York, the step-by-step plan she shares in this book breaks the conflict cycle in over 90 percent of warring couples she sees.

Dr. Turndorf's groundbreaking approach to marital conflict is the first scientifically proven way to short-circuit the number-one cause of marital conflict and divorce – husband withdrawal. Husband withdrawal is caused by a biochemical imbalance that is triggered by heated fighting. When fighting breaks out between husband and wife, the husband's “fight or flight” instinct kicks in. Not wanting to physically fight with the one he loves, he flees emotionally (by blanking out or staring silently into space), verbally (by making excuses or defending himself), or physically (by leaving the room). When a husband withdraws, his wife becomes angrier, the husband withdraws even more, and the fighting escalates with each argument. But it doesn't have to. Dr. Turndorf's twelve-step plan provides an escape from the battlefield and has been proven effective even when only one spouse – usually the wife – follows it.

The key to resolving marital conflict is to defuse it before tension builds, voices rise, doors slam, and husbands bolt. In chapters filled with easy-to-follow advice and helpful anecdotes, Dr. Turndorf gives couples all they need to calm an emotional exchange before it becomes a fight. With her straightforward style and irreverent humor, she presents a series of cool-down steps and resolution techniques that help spouses address difficult issues and subjects in a nonadversarial manner. Couples will learn how to:

  • understand the chemistry of conflict
  • identify and avoid Fight Traps
  • recognize and defuse the three main arguments around sex
  • incorporate marital Climate Control Techniques to cool down any discussion
  • master listening skills that will improve any conversation
  • negotiate calmly and effectively about almost any issue

Whether you would like to preserve or rekindle the harmonious feeling that brought you and your spouse together, you can depend on Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First). It offers the path to peace you've been looking for and provides all the directions you'll need to ensure that your truce will last a lifetime.

Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D. (a.k.a. Dr. Love), is a practicing psychologist and director of the Center for Emotional Communication in Millbrook, New York, the town where she lives with her husband.

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