Younger Wonders

By Paul Michael, The Marriage Toolbox Magazine

Teens on marriage, children and divorce

Ask a teen, "Should we have kids?" and they might say "Sure, if . . ."

"You are totally sure you won't get divorced."

"You are ready for the responsibility."

"You will raise them together."

"You both want them."

"You want them."

"You know that she/he is the right one."

"You are ready."

"You wish to."

"You can deal with them with your spouse."

"You both have a steady relationship, income and you feel the marriage will last."

"You both want them and are financially stable for them."

"You still love each other."

"You both want an addition to the family."

"You are secure in your marriage."

"You are responsible enough to stay married."

"You want children."

"You don't use a condom."

"Can afford it and are mature enough."

"You are already married."

"You have a strong bond and want it to grow."

"You want to have kids with the person."

"You are truly committed."

Ask a teen, "What do you think is the most important reason that continues to produce high divorce statistics?" and they might answer:

"Marrying out of lust rather than love."

"Adultery."

"We are becoming a throw-away society."

"Not getting to really know the person."

"Irresponsibility."

"Couples not agreeing."

"Infideltity."

"Busy lifestyle-not enough time to give to your spouse."

"Love is based on external characteristics (looks)."

"Not happy with themselves."

"Marry too early."

"Not waiting till they are old enough."

"Drinking."

"Both People work long hours so they never see each other."

"Selfishness."

"People aren't faithful."

"Lying."

"Both have busy jobs."

"Someone cheats."

"People don't value marriage as much."

"Parents that have been divorced."

"Lack of communication."

"Dishonesty."

"Kids follow parents."

Ask a teen, "What would greatly increase happiness in marriage for people?" and they might say:

"Show more affection, hugs, kisses, backrubs, holding hands."

"Talk more openly."

"Communicate, talk about what's going on."

"Spend more time together alone; maybe setting aside certain days to concentrate on each other and leave other things alone."

"Be considerate and committed."

"Spend time apart and with friends."

"Told each other how they felt."

"Be honest and forthright."

"Sit down and listen to each other."

"Spent more time together."

"Have sex."

"Spontaneous things - not to fight about little things."

"Set time for work-set time for togetherness."

"Stay truthful with each other."

"Take an hour out of each day to spend with each other."

"Open up more with each other."

"Become best friends before sexual things progress."

"Think more about the other person."

For our readers who haven't noticed how incredibly perceptive and insightful kids of every age, socio-economic background, country, color, grade level and physical and mental ability are, then this section of The Marriage Toolbox could inspire you to take deeper look and have a deeper listen to kids, especially those you see in your everyday life. I am not just being cute here or trying to be nice to kids or be correct. Children are brilliant lights. They are wise people, though not yet fully sized in body and mind. I believe that as adults, we have a lot to learn from them - as if they are teachers for us.

Kids are generally less encumbered, less resistant and less serious than we adults. Sadly, in the U.S and probably many other countries, children have not been recognized for who they really are. Is it that adults cannot separate their inability to reach the brake pedal or qualify for a divorce from their inner awareness, sensitivity and knowing? (I know that I, for one, have seen myself do that).