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   Home  > Articles

What happened to our sex life?

By Ms HeartBeat - Relationship Advice Columnist

Iíve been very happily married for years. When we first met my wife and I had great sex, now sheís almost a dead fish and doesnít seem to like sex anymore. I can never get enough and Iím lucky if we make love once a month. Iím a Christian man and donít want to leave her, but feel like she baited and hooked me, then hung me out to dry! My physical appearance has improved since we met, but hers has gone steadily downhill. Iíve tried to romance her, work out harder, and weíve talked. She says itís not me, but she just doesnít have the desire anymore. What can I do?

Lack of sexual interest is one of the primary complaints of married couples in this decade. More and more often though, itís the WOMAN complaining about her manís lack of interest. There are always many possibilities - including alcohol and drug abuse, stress, an affair, withholding sex as punishment for failure to receive kindness and affection out of bed, fear of getting pregnant, a health condition that affects libido, medication, no longer physically attracted to mate, in need of understanding that their mate isnít giving, or worry about money or employment issues. When a woman turns off to her husband or boyfriend, itís usually because sheís angry about something or many things, resentful, no longer in love with that man, or she is still in love with him but feels unappreciated.

One suggestion I have is that you get into couples counseling at your place of worship. Perhaps in that warm environment with someone she trusts to guide her, your wife will feel safe enough to say exactly what it is she needs that you or this marriage arenít giving her, and why she has become so sad. Women need affection, attention, kind words and romance, to be listened to, pampered frequently, and treated like they are special and important individuals, not looked at solely as sex objects.

I also strongly suggest that she get a complete physical right away. There could be a medical problem for her tiredness, weight gain and lack of desire such as nutritional deficiency, high blood pressure, diabetes, hormone imbalance, etc.

Things are not always as they seem my friend, so stop automatically thinking that the problem you are having with your marriage is something she is doing TO you! A healthy young woman with no sexual desire is not normal. It is my humble opinion that when men and women within previously loving and sexual relationships lose interest in sex, there are unresolved issues or problems coping with some aspect of life. These individuals need help, not to hear you nagging.

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