Relationship basics
By Kate
Conflict
Honesty is the best policy!
No it's not confession time, but how many pains and misunderstandings can be avoided if we are just open with each other about our mistakes as well as our successes. If you've spent the housekeeping on a new outfit, tell your partner gently and say sorry, then you can face the problems together. They'll probably find out eventually, and one lie often leads to another to cover up. Remember too not to explode when your partner lets you down. If you want them to go on being open, you have to make it safe for them to do so.
Arguing
Arguments are ok, if they are done in the right way. Winning isn't all it's cracked up to be, but clearing the air and making up is! Try to concentrate on the issue and be sure you know what it is. Don't call each other names or bring up old history. Try to talk about yourself not your partner.
Compare: "You are so selfish ignoring me and sitting in front of the telly. I don't know why I bother. You wouldn't notice if I wasn't here. You make me sick! You make me feel so angry!" and "I feel really hurt and taken for granted when you come in and sit down in front of the TV and ignore me. I need to know you care about me."
Don't lose sight of how much you love each other, despite the emotions you may have at the time.
It's all going wrong!
Be honest with each other when things aren't going well. Try to find some way to spend some time together to talk things through. Seek the advice of someone you trust. Don't let it drag on.
Happily ever after?
The biggest myth today is that marriage for life is no longer possible! You can find happiness together for a life time, but you need to put some effort in. Definitely no gain without a bit of pain along the way, so when things are a bit rough get stuck in and sort them out.