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Growing Together :

By Roger & Carol

Roger's story .....

It was out of desperation I told my wife I was struggling with homosexuality. We had been married for six years, had three young children and were not unhappy together. However, I had been living a double life for too long and could no longer live with my confusion and dishonesty.

Having had much involvement with homosexuality since early teens and having been a Christian for a longer period, I found the truth about myself deeply painful. At last it had all become too much to cope with. I had been running away from the truth and had hoped being married and having a family of my own would bring an end to my struggle. Initially it did, but the distress of finding that the old ways and desires still had me in their power was overwhelming.

How could I carry on? How many times did I pray for strength and change in my life? In many ways I was disciplined - highly involved in church life, prayer and bible study. Yet I had little insight into my behaviour or needs and to seek help seemed unthinkable. I could only imagine rejection as the response to my plight.

But God had heard my cry and seen my need. In His time, He brought me to the end of my secrecy and fear. I saw a reference to a Christian Counselling ministry for homosexuals in a Christian newspaper, and eventually I sought help for myself via the TfT office. An early suggestion was to share my problem with someone and the advice was repeatedly to tell my wife.

I lived with the seeming impossibility of this for a time and then in great fear told her. Looking at the severe pain I caused her and realising something of the damage caused by deceit and sin was awful.

How we got past that stage, I do not know. Neither of us had friends or family, or a Christian leader we felt we could share our pain with. The only consolation for my wife, was that I was determined to find a way out of a sinful lifestyle. We had no clear guidance how we should proceed and at first there seemed no clear way ahead.

In the next few months, I spoke to the new pastor of our church. He gave me loving support and encouragement and was faithful in praying for me. He was also available for both of us if we needed him. However, he realised his lack of experience and put me in touch with someone who had worked through similar problems to my own and was several years further on.

The sudden death of my father, whose relationship with me as a child and young man had left me unsure of myself, often feeling unaccepted and insecure, brought me into a period of intense grief. Now I realise the two years I spent in tears every time I thought of him, were not just as a result of separation, but grief for what I had never known - the warmth and security of my father's love and affirmation.

Through these years, our marriage was developing as we began to understand each other more. We had attended a study day on homosexuality - and the brave people who testified to God's work in their lives, along with helpful teaching, brought us both into a greater understanding of what had happened in my life. As a result of that day, I pushed for a local support group for men and women struggling with homosexuality. This group was a great help to me and many insights into the Biblical understanding of sexual brokenness and God's healing power have grown in me through the times in the group.

We have since this time faced major trials, greater than any before. The details would fill pages. But all we know is that God has kept us. We are both confident that His word is true. He is faithful, He loves us more than we can imagine and every detail of our lives has been carefully planned in love.

Someone we never dreamed we could open up to, has become a wise confidante and spiritual counsellor and has faithfully supported us and prayed for us.

As far as our marriage goes - we know each other better, we love each other and believe God has brought us together and will keep us together, if we walk with Him. There are many things we don't know, but we do know He is able to meet all our needs and He will keep us.

Carol's story .....

In this article
- Roger's story .....
- Carol's story .....

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