Supporting The Families Of Adults experiencing Gender Discomfort and Transsexualism
By Bernard Reed
Further Support
Workshops For Families
The workshops that GIRES has run, in 9 major cities throughout the UK, allowed participants to share their experiences and put questions to the trans people and family members that made up the team of presenters. Each workshop, lasting three hours, took place on Saturday afternoons when it was reasonably certain that the trans people and their families would be free to attend. Participants included partners, children, parents, siblings, friends and also trans people, but only if they attended with their families. Allowing trans people to attend without their family members would have focused discussion on the problems that trans people face, at the expense of spending time on the vital issue of family relationships. Although a number of counsellors and others asked to attend the workshops, no spectators were allowed in order to ensure that participants felt free to talk openly to people directly sharing similar experiences.
The ground rules that GIRES set creates a safe and supportive atmosphere. Everyone should be treated with respect. Confidentiality should be assured. Assurances should be given that no information will be passed on to those providing treatment. Family members should be warned not to attempt to interfere in treatment.
For part of the time, participants are divided into three smaller groups: trans people, partners, parents and siblings. Each group is facilitated by an appropriate team member. This enables participants to concentrate on issues specific to their personal situation, and it greatly facilitates discussion in a safe environment.
The evaluation forms completed by participants showed that they had been helped to understand and accept their loved one’s condition. Their comments also showed that they had obtained reassurance through:
- knowing "I'm not the only one"
- companionship and sharing
- ability to talk openly
- hugs with other participants
Another important benefit of bringing families together is that it enables them, by exchanging telephone numbers and e-mail, to network after the workshop is over.
In presenting the workshops, GIRES collaborated with two other organisations that provide support for families nationally. One of these is Mermaids, see previous page and (http://www.mermaids.freeuk.com). The other organisation is Depend, a group supporting the families and friends of transsexual people via email (info@depend.org.uk) and a website (http://www.depend.org.uk). GIRES can also provide information about the local groups that support families in several areas of the UK.
GIRES is willing to run further workshops wherever another organisation, such as a gender identity clinic, can assemble a group of family members.
Local Support Groups
Local support groups for families have been set up in Southampton, Telford, Newcastle and Glasgow. Clearly, this provides incomplete coverage of the UK and many more groups are needed. GIRES strongly encourages other organisations to establish groups and can provide small amounts of funding to help them get started. However, experience shows that it is quite difficult to get the word out to families about the existence of the group, persuade them that it would be appropriate for them to attend and attract an adequate level of participation. Anyone attempting to start a group would have to put a lot of effort into publicising it. It can be promoted by contacting trans people themselves via the self-help groups, gender identity clinics, doctors and therapists that support them. However, the trans person may not pass on the invitation to the members of his or her family because they have not yet been told about the gender identity issues or because they have been told but, as happens far too often, have already rejected the trans person. So, the sponsors of support groups need to seek additional ways to get their message to the families, for instance via GPs' surgeries, therapists and counsellors, Samaritans, CABs and even advertising.
Role Of The Gender Identity Clinics
GIRES urges all Gender Identity Clinics to provide support for families. Based on the comments of participants in the workshops, this should include:
- helping the gender dysphoric person to consider how best to preserve family
relationships
- talking with the family, rather than being remote
- with the consent of the gender dysphoric person, permitting other family members to attend at least one meeting with the supervising clinician
- providing advice and information for family members
- organising opportunities to meet other families in the same situation
- providing information on other sources of information and support
- not allowing the family to influence treatment decisions or using it merely to check on what the gender dysphoric person has said.
- visiting the trans person's workplace to explain gender dysphoria and
transsexualism, thereby preventing the discrimination that too often ruins the lives of transsexual employees
Contacting GIRES
GIRES will provide information and literature about gender dysphoria and transsexualism, their effects on family relationships, effective ways to support families and where to obtain other help. The charity can be contacted via:
Telephone: 01372 801554
Fax: 01372 272297
E-mail: admin@gires.org.uk
Website: http://www.gires.org.uk