Forgiveness - one of the keys to a healthy marriage

By Kate

Forgiving when the hurt continues

Is it possible to forgive someone who hasn’t said sorry or who continues to hurt us? Our own health depends on us being able to do this because unforgiveness and bitterness damage us as much as the one we hate. To go on forgiving someone in this sort of situation requires special resources within us. Let’s think of some examples.

We can find it in us to forgive little children. We say that they can’t help it, and sometimes in our marriages we can see weaknesses or damage from the past that makes it hard for our partner to change. If they have come from a broken home or been abused in the past or badly hurt by others we may be able to accept that they don’t mean to hurt us and not take the hurts personally.

Perhaps they are ill or suffer from depression and we can make excuse for their behaviour because of what they are going through.

Sometimes we just have that amazing reserve of love that enables us to forgive, because our love is stronger than the hurt inflicted. Many parents exhibit this kind of love. They would say, “I go on forgiving, because he’s my son. How can I do otherwise”. Some people can do that in marriage, forgiving their wife or husband, simply because they are their wife and husband.

In the Christian faith, this is often called grace, the grace to forgive someone even though they haven’t said sorry. This ability is seen as a gift from God who enables them to let the hurt go, and act lovingly. For Christians it comes from a recognition that they get lots of things wrong themselves and have been forgiven so much themselves that it’s the least they can do to others.

Whatever the key is for you, practising forgiveness in your marriage is a key to its strength and happiness.

See also the excellent article by Michele Weiner-Davis of Divorce Busting, Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself.