What makes people fall in love?

By Joe Beam

So why should it be any different after marriage?

A very common complaint we hear from both husbands and wives is the loss of their desire for a spouse who has forgotten the lure of the sensual. As one man said, "My wife is a beautiful woman when she wants to be. But she seems more focused on enjoying rich foods than being attractive to me. When I say anything about it, she just cries and tells me I don't love her. I've learned to live with the fact that my wife will never be beautiful again because she doesn't care to be. I guess I'm not as important to her as chocolate cake."

I understand his dilemma. I've heard people reject loudly the idea that they should continue to be attractive to their spouses. When I probe their anger, I usually discover that the person objecting doesn't feel attractive any more because of aging or some other factor. Because of that negative personal perception, he or she wants the mate to no longer be affected by physical attractiveness. They say things like, "A spiritual person wouldn't care what I looked like!"

Interesting that they didn't feel that way when they were looking for a mate. I often ask, "Were you spiritual when you first noticed the person you married? Did you question your spirituality when you were attracted by his/her physical beauty and attractiveness?"

God made us as we are - beings that are both physical and spiritual. We have needs to be fulfilled in both those dimensions of ourselves. He didn't make all of us gorgeous, but He designed into the human race the ability for us to make ourselves attractive to others.

Think of it this way. Beauty is made, not born. No one has to match what he or she was during the early 20s. But none of us have the right to say, "Well, you married me. Now you have to blithely accept whatever I want to be like or look like!"

Whether you like it or not, you will be either attracted or repelled by what your senses register as long as you live. So will your spouse. Do you want your mate to be attracted to you? If so, you cannot demand his or her passion and desire just because you want it to exist. You have to understand the way God made us and make yourself as desirable as you can as long as you live together.

It's the most basic step of falling in love. Or falling in love again.