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   Home  > Articles

What makes people fall in love?

By Joe Beam

Falling in love

Several years ago I developed a model that explains the process of "falling" in and out of love. It's simple, practical, and extremely valid to the human experience. An amazing serendipity about the model is that when one understands the process of love, the person also learns how to fall in love all over again. We've used this model to help people fall in love again even after they had reached a point in their relationship where they were disinterested in each other, tired of each other, didn't like each other any more, or outright hated each other.

I intend to share parts of the model with you over the next several weeks so that no matter how good or bad your relationship, you can be in love with each other again.

Let's start where we should, at the beginning of every relationship.

In our Love, Sex & Marriage seminar we ask people what first attracts them to another. Men tend to mention certain anatomical features. Interestingly, women do too. They talk about noticing a man's height, the width of his shoulders, the flatness of his stomach, or the shape of his buttocks. Yes, even in church audiences!

So what's my point?

Simply this: The first thing attracting any human to another is ALWAYS sensual.

When we first meet another human, we mentally register what we see, hear, or smell and instantly find ourselves attracted, neutral, or repulsed by that person. Since each of us is unique in our tastes, what one person finds alluring, another may find repelling, and another may not register as worthy of notice at all.

How does what we find physically attractive affect our "falling" in love? The chances of developing or maintaining love decrease proportionately with the degree of unattractiveness we perceive in another. For example, if you perceive a person as very unattractive, you likely aren't going to be open to pursuing a relationship unless there is something else attracting you more strongly than their appearance is repelling you. That just makes sense doesn't it?

When we were single, we accepted that truth. We kept our bodies trim, carefully coifed our hair, and wore only the most fashionable clothes. We knew that the people we met would immediately react either positively or negatively to our fragrance, voice, and appearance. We kept ourselves as attractive to the opposite sex as possible.

So why should it be any different after marriage?

In this article
- Falling in love
- So why should it be any different after marriage?

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© 2000, Joe Beam. Used by permission.

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